Turning Pain Into Purpose

We all experience pain at some point in our lives. And we have a choice to make; we can either choose to let it consume us and make us bitter at heart or we can choose to turn our pain into something beautiful and meaningful. Pain is without saying an awful feeling, but it is what we choose to do with it that matters.

I created this post to help you through current and past traumas. This post was inspired by Nadia, you will find more about her in this post.

We always have the opportunity to turn any emotion into a form of art.

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How to turn your pain into purpose

Note: Most of these things are easier said than done, but doing it will bring a positive change.

💕Allow yourself to feel

If you want to cry, cry. Let it all out. There is no point in collecting the pain and holding on to it, suppressing it will only turn it into hate and anger that will be directed at the wrong people/things. Just make sure you don’t stay in that depressing place when allowing yourself to completely feel the pain.

💕Try to focus on the solution and not the problem

So now you’ve felt the pain completely, now what? It is time to start moving forward, to find the beauty in all these experiences. Give a meaning to it that will help you move forward positively.

Meanings like: everything happens for a reason; this will make me wiser and stronger; this will help me in future struggles; God/The Universe or whatever you may believe in is preparing you for a happy life etc.

One of the best things that helped me grow recently is to look at my bad memories and finding the good in them. Looking at the person who hurt me, and to remember what I admired in them and still do. To look at the person who hurt me, and feeling grateful for the good and bad, for the bad has made me much wiser and stronger. In the end, the bad wasn’t bad, it was a stepping stone to greatness.

💕Passion/Hobbies

This is a great place to start. Pain is a powerful emotion, and when it is directed to doing things you love doing, the beauty becomes amplified. Focus on doing things that bring you joy and happiness.

💕 It’s about creating the future you deserve

Stop looking back if it causes you more pain.

You are the creator of your own future. Create a life you love. You deserve to live a long, happy, and fulfilled life. Never accept anything less than you deserve.

Who is your ideal self? answer this and work towards that ideal version of you.

💕Set yourself free

You deserve to be free from everything that weighs you down, whether it is the past, pain, grief, hate, etc. you owe it to yourself to be happy.

💕Gratitude

Turning to gratitude is the fastest way to feel better and turn your pain into purpose, for there is always something to be grateful for, sometimes it only takes a bit more effort to find it.

The power of Gratitude

Quotes

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A woman of strength

Nadia Ngcobo (19)

Nadia is the beautiful young lady who inspired todays post. She is truly a remarkable woman. She is kindhearted and passionate, she spreads goodness and empowerement wherever she goes. She has learnt to put her pain towards good.

She speaks at schools and tries to relate to the stories she hears and tries to help people realize that there is a lot that can come out of pain. She tries to empower these students, as well as contribute sanitary pads, school uniforms, cosmetics, etc. by gaining sponsorships and donations.

Her mother physically and emotionally abused her and even deprived her of food. When she was finally taken into custody she learned how to turn her pain into art; by writing and speaking and helping others. She strives to be a better person than her mother was.

Not too long ago she was also sexually harassed and is still working through some emotions. Thank you Nadia for being so strong, and able to share the terrible things that have happened to you, and to still treat people with kindness and love.

Nadia has already accomplished quite a few things in her life. She was deputy head girl at her school. In 2019 she was South Africa Champion in Afrikaans speakers (redenaars) which is an amazing accomplishment. Like I’ve said before, she speaks at schools, contributes to them physically and mentally. Nadia is destined for greatness.

Nadia’s contribution to Youth Day 2021 South Africa

Something extra: This speech landed her a job offer

Here is the Audio from the Voice Of the Community Radio if you would prefer listening to her speak.

THE YOUTH OF TODAY VERSUS THE YOUTH OF 1976

They were bruised, battered, killed and they rioted, fighting for education. 45 years later, was the uprising worth the lives of the youth of 1976, or has their struggle gone down the drain as the youth of today plunges on resources bringing about negative change?

If the mandate was education, why do we still have schools lacking basic infrastructure and study material? We have an education system that focuses more on the theory of things rather than skills that will equip the youth for the outside world ensuring that they are independent and not dependent on foreign manipulated companies.

If education is important, why do we have so many graduates sitting at home because they do not meet the ridiculous job experience requirements and lack employment opportunities? What message are we bringing across to the young ones that are yet to go to university? Universities that financially excluded students because of their historical debts while they have millions sitting in their bank accounts. Is the South African education system still colonized or is its independence constantly being altered to accommodate the standards of the youth? I mean we went from a 50% pass rate to a 30% pass rate that’s a decline in the progression of our education.

With an unemployment rate of 16,9% in 1976 and an increase to 28,48% in 2020, have we progressed or are we going backward as a country with a laid-back youth? What happened to the spirit of Soweto Uprising martyrs? What happened to the fight for quality education? Why can’t we fight for our rights as we fight for Gender-Based Violence, Fees Must Fall, and the acceptance of the LGBQTI+ community? 

We commit crimes because of unemployment. We live in a society where politicians bathe in corruption and take pride in racketeering. How then do we complain about the 0.7% increase in contact crimes? How then do we continue with an increase in youth pregnancies when we have so many pregnancy preventative methods put in place to control the birth rate? Do we care more about our sexual urges or are we breaking the cycle of raising children in dysfunctional and financially struggling households? We prefer graduating in the form of a child rather than in the form of an academic degree. We live off social grants instead of contributing towards social grants.

Is there anything that the youth of today can show the youth of 1976 for their fight towards where we are today? What is freedom if our minds are still enslaved by colonization? Where is the progression? We are not the tomorrow of this country, we are the today, the now of South Africa. When will we wake up and smell the coffee? When will use the South African Youth council to our advantage? How many seats do we occupy in the Parliament? When will we have our own uprising towards unemployment, education, and the history of our country and continent? 

We as the youth should benefit from government set-asides in government procurement. Let enterprises get contracts if they can prove that 25% of their employees are youth. Let the Government develop legislation that will ensure that the private sector procures 50% of its goods from the youth and local enterprises.

As a young person of South Africa, I want to participate in the value chain. I want to have a say in matters that include me.

Can the youth not venture into agriculture without an increase in farm murders? In March 2021, farm murders increased to 35 from 22. When noble laureate Desmond Tutu called us a rainbow nation it was in reference to the diversity in our country and our ability to perhaps one day live in interracial harmony where colour is just colour. Where colour is not a privilege to some and a crime to others. We kill the very farmers that we want to supply us with local organic vegetables and livestock. We kill the very framers that contribute a lot to this country’s agriculture.  

When I look at my fellow peers, I see future Vusi Themekwayo(s), future Ludwick Marishane(s), I see future Addi Pienaar(s) because we have the potential to be far more than what we’re settling for. We’re too comfortable in poverty. We’re too comfortable with this education. We’re too comfortable with racism. We’re too comfortable in being uncomfortable.

I don’t know you but I’m emancipating myself from colonial mental slavery, racism, corruption, Gender-Based Violence, a colonially influenced education system and I’m creating employment opportunities for myself and the future generation. I am emancipating myself from a country that’s taking one step forward and ten steps backward. I am not the tomorrow of South Africa, I am the today of South Africa. I am the now of South Africa.  I am South Africa.

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Questions to Nadia

What are your hobbies?

I crochet, knit, write and sing.

What is the one thing you look forward to when you wake up?

I look forward to talking to My Love, hearing him tell me how his day is and how much he loves me. I look forward to praying with him, for him, and our families. I look forward to laughing with him. I look forward to growing with him

Favorite colour: Black

Favorite song: Best Part

Favorite author: John Green

Favorite food: Mcdonalds burger

Favorite snack: Doritos

Favorite poem: I rise by Maya Angelo

Favorite person: Jean-Pierre (my boyfriend)

What are your three favorite books?

  • A fault in our stars
  • The Great Gatsby
  • Bear The Blessers Game

How do you define success?

Success is being contented with what you have because you worked hard for it. Success is Love. Success is Happiness and Success is Hope.

What fuels your passion?

Pain. Whatever pain I go through I turn it into something positive and also art. My mother and I aren’t close so the pain she brings me drives me to the better.

What do you want to be?

I want to do Law and become a Human rights lawyer. I have been sexually harassed multiple times so I want to fight for those that cannot fight for themselves.

Who do you look up to the most and why?

Myself. I’ve never met anyone as strong as me so I look up to the person I was yesterday because the person I was yesterday drives me to become a better person today.

My mother never encouraged me to do anything, and she was always against anything I did, so I decided that I am not even going to impress her and I am going to prove myself right. I am going to prove to myself that I am the woman who I say I am. That I am a fountain of grace, strength, and prayer. I don’t work to prove anyone wrong, I work to prove myself right.

Make yourself proud

What inspires and motivates you?

My mother’s inability to love me. Pain and will to be everything that my mother isn’t.

What do you believe in and try to promote?

Responsible citizenship and being the Voice of The Oppressed.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

I see myself as a UN speaker representing those that are oppressed by the justice system and men.

How would you describe yourself?

Bold and unapologetic.

5 things you are grateful for

  • Life
  • Family
  • Love
  • Peace
  • Freedom of expression

Do you love yourself?

Yes, I do, to love someone else I need to love myself first.

Would you describe yourself as a confident person?

Yes, I rise above everything with my head held high.

Your best tip on self-love and confidence

Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and cannot be. Never do things to impress people there don’t prove work to prove them wrong, work to prove yourself right.

If you had one year left to live, what would you do?

I would enrich more lives and appreciate the ones I love more.

Do you have any regrets?

Yes. When I got sexually harassed, and my boyfriend warned me but I didn’t listen, if I had listened I wouldn’t have gotten harassed

What are the things you wish to experience and learn about?

I want to experience the love of a mother and learn to forgive and let go of things I cannot control.


What do you think makes life meaningful?

Letting go of the past, living in the present, and looking forward to the future.

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A written piece by Nadia

With tears falling from the corner of her eyes and voice screaming from deep within her soul, he pressed hard against her pride, soul ties that were awaiting marriage, and bold eyes which dug deeper into her soul as she begged for mercy from a merciless cologne infused her purity, silenced her cry and diminished her smile. Even with her eyes closed, she can still see the callous smirk that was once disguised as a courteous young gent raised by an African mother and breastfed by her pain. She felt her insides go numb as her body laid still. Her closed opening burn but the fluids meant to protect her leisurely watching like a wounded activist, stained robes which used to be whiter than the finest grains of virgin snow. Still.. from screaming until her veins mapped the road to Eden, from her hands scratching and pushing to her legs kicking and frozen she went still… for the only voice she had left, was the polluted river whose flows flowed like stretchmarks mapped like the roots of a fruitful apple tree. And even though the sheets were left scarred by a virgin’s cry for mercy. Like the color of her skin, it was her destiny just as it was her ancestors’.


Thank you Nadia for sharing your authentic self 🦋

Can you relate to turning your pain into passion?

Hope you took some value from this post.

Much love and abundance

🙏❤

Set yourself free

🌸🌸🌸

Today I came here bringing you a message -to set yourself free- so that you can go forth happily, thriving, and inspired.

Do you feel trapped by your circumstances, emotions, thoughts, and by the people around you?

Guess what?! so do most of us, but the good thing is that we have the capabilities to set ourselves free, but first we must decide to set ourselves free or continue to feel drained and caged in with nowhere to go. The truth is that happiness is a choice, and happiness also comes with being authentic and free.

Set yourself free from everything holding you back, from your negative beliefs/thoughts, from the past, from self-doubt, from anything that no longer serves you.

k.tolnoe

How to set yourself free

Take a step back, and breath

Sometimes a break and a change of perspective are all we need to continue forward. Start seeing your challenges as opportunities for growth.

Get clear on who you are, who you want to become, and what you expect out of life.

Awarness is always key!

Take out a journal and jot everything down, and be truly honest with yourself. Figure out who you are, what your values are, what will bring you more happiness, what do you stand for, what will fuel your passion, what you can do to better your life, etc.

Don’t obsess over results

Focusing on goals can become a problem because it makes us prisoners of those goals, and we only laser-focus on results. By focusing on developing the right habits, i.e., on processes, it becomes easy for us to do the things necessary for living an awesome life.

Focus on developing the right habits and to set yourself free from being obsessed with results!

One Percent Better Team

In short, become progress/habit orientated instead of result orientated.

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Get clear on your goals and vision

By knowing your goals, you can live your life accordingly Working towards something that you want to achieve for yourself will make you a lot more fulfilled and happy and make you feel less trapped or lost.

Perfection is an illusion

Stop striving for ultimate perfection, there is no such thing. By trying to be too perfect you will start to lose interest and motivation and go into a spiral of self-critique.

Push through

Sometimes the only thing we can do is keep our mouths shut and push through. In a way, this is also stepping outside of your comfort zone because you are doing something that you don’t necessarily want to do but most probably have to do.

Authenticity ~ Be your true self

Be you and do you. You don’t have to put on a fake facade to please others, the only person you need to please is you. Embrace your imperfections.

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Work on yourself

Learn to love the person you are while working on becoming your ideal version of yourself.

Stop seeking outer validation and approval

Seeking approval from others is a path of destruction. Why do we seek approval though? because of low self-esteem, because we are mean to ourselves and need others to validate our good characteristics.

Start approving of yourself. Again. Do you. Be unapologetically you. Work on yourself and praise yourself every step of the way. Selflove is key to breaking away from this toxic habit of searching for approval and validation from others.

Social media

This goes hand in hand with my previous point. If you post something or whatever else, whether other people see it or not, comment or not, etc, it shouldnt matter to you.

The other thing about social media, is it making you feel good about yourself or not, do you feel motivated and inspired or drained and negative. Watch your feelings closely when it comes to scrolling on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, and decide for yourself whether continuing to spend endless hours scrolling is getting you where you want to be.

FOMO (Fear of missing out)

FOMO is an awful feeling and it is one of those things that can really weigh down on you. To get rid of FOMO I usually try to focus on doing something I enjoy or doing one of my tasks and convince myself that everything happens for a reason and that I don’t need them, I don’t need to be there with them, I am perfectly happy being by myself doing what I love.

Forgiveness

At some point, we have to let go of the past by forgiving those who’ve hurt us and by forgiving ourselves for the mistakes we made, after all, we are all flawed human beings and we all make mistakes. No one is perfect.

"Holding a grudge doesn't make you strong, it makes you bitter, forgiving doesn't make you weak, it sets you free". -Unknown

Set your mind to look for opportunities

Energy flows where attention goes. If you keep focusing on the thing that makes you feel trapped with no intention of finding your way out, you will most likely stay there. No one is going to save you. It is up to you to make a small shift and start to think about or see opportunities.

Step outside of your comfort zone to widen your vision. Opportunities are waiting for us at every corner, it is our job to identify them and then to take action.

Hobbies

Break away from all the stress and negative thoughts and emotions by doing something you love. Try to make time for yourself every single day. A hobby is a form of self-love.

Gratitude

I know everyone in the spiritual sense says to turn to gratitude, but I personally know that it isn’t always the easiest thing to do. We forget most times that we indeed have so many things to be grateful for. I suggest you have a small gratitude reminder that whenever you see it no matter what you’re going through that you will start to feel gratitude surfacing.

Also read:

7 ways to set yourself free

Live life in full bloom


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Today my blog reached a new milestone: 10 000 views 😀❤

I am grateful for every like, comment, share, and follower I receive. Your support means the world to me 🌍🙌

I hope you enjoyed reading this post and that you gained some value from it.

Much love and abundance, take good care

🌸🌸🌸

Thank you for joining me, feel free to share your thoughts

🌸🌸🌸

New year resolutions

New Year’s resolution is a tradition, most common in the Western Hemisphere but also found in the Eastern Hemisphere, in which a person resolves to continue good practices, change an undesired trait or behavior, to accomplish a personal goal, or otherwise improve their life. ~Wikipedia

My new year resolutions are usually habits that I want to form.

Do you have any goals for next year? How do you plan on achieving them? Are you starting on the first day of 2021?

I have made tons of new year resolutions before and it all became goals that were left behind, but I believe my resolutions for next year will be different for one reason. I discovered micro habits.

minimal motivation

What Is A Micro HabitMicro habits are an action that requires minimal motivation or effort to complete. The idea is over time; a micro habit will slowly build on top of itself and result in something significant.May 17, 2017

Micro-Habits Changed My Life | Hacker Noon

Microhabits are small enough that they take less than two minutes. They can be practiced every day and can completely change our circumstance.

21 Micro Habits To Boost Your Day – Alessio Bresciani

Instead of making immediate big daily goals, you can work yourself up to them by breaking them down so that you have no excuse to complete the goals.

Example 1:

Big goal/habit- write 2 500 words a day

Micro habit/goals- write 50 words day 1-3… 100 words day 4-6… 250 words day 7-10, etc.

Do you see the difference? Instead of going strong with 3 000 words a day you build yourself up to that.

Example 2:

Let’s say you want to exercise 1 hour 4 times a weak.

You can start by doing 5-10 minutes of exercise 2 times a weak. Then the next weak you exercise 10-20 minutes three times a weak, etc.

The reason for building yourself up to the big goal instead of immediately indulging yourself in it is because if you do that you will get tired and unmotivated and your mind will make excuse after excuse not to complete the goal. Before you know it, the habit you were trying to build is long forgotten and given up on.

Whereas you start with a micro habit, in other words, start small, you make it easy for yourself to complete the goal without hesitation. A habit is being built and you can slowly take on more. This way your habit will stick once you reach your big goal.

Or you can start like this, but I would recommend that you start a bit smaller.

I have a few resolution; habits I want to have in 2021: (My big goals)

  • Write 3 000 words a day
  • Write 3 blogs a weak
  • Learn 30 words/phrases of Spanish a day
  • Read a book a weak
  • Meditate 1 hour a day

Starting Monday, 24 days before New Years, I will start making these habits a reality through using micro habits.

Do you have any new year resolutions? How will you achieve them?

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCm1vPe3AXsdffz6qgZz7ohQ

https://instagram.com/edward_daniels57?igshid=1noe9c8ev1hyb

Please go check out Edward Daniels’ YouTube channel and Instagram account. You won’t be disappointed.


My exams are finished, I am proud to say that I am finally finished with Grade10 and am looking forward to next year.

Thanks for everyone’s support and motivation, it means more than I can explain.

Hope all is good and well.

Have an amazing weekend!!

💖