Turning Pain Into Purpose

We all experience pain at some point in our lives. And we have a choice to make; we can either choose to let it consume us and make us bitter at heart or we can choose to turn our pain into something beautiful and meaningful. Pain is without saying an awful feeling, but it is what we choose to do with it that matters.

I created this post to help you through current and past traumas. This post was inspired by Nadia, you will find more about her in this post.

We always have the opportunity to turn any emotion into a form of art.

Sign up to receive content directly to your inbox

How to turn your pain into purpose

Note: Most of these things are easier said than done, but doing it will bring a positive change.

💕Allow yourself to feel

If you want to cry, cry. Let it all out. There is no point in collecting the pain and holding on to it, suppressing it will only turn it into hate and anger that will be directed at the wrong people/things. Just make sure you don’t stay in that depressing place when allowing yourself to completely feel the pain.

💕Try to focus on the solution and not the problem

So now you’ve felt the pain completely, now what? It is time to start moving forward, to find the beauty in all these experiences. Give a meaning to it that will help you move forward positively.

Meanings like: everything happens for a reason; this will make me wiser and stronger; this will help me in future struggles; God/The Universe or whatever you may believe in is preparing you for a happy life etc.

One of the best things that helped me grow recently is to look at my bad memories and finding the good in them. Looking at the person who hurt me, and to remember what I admired in them and still do. To look at the person who hurt me, and feeling grateful for the good and bad, for the bad has made me much wiser and stronger. In the end, the bad wasn’t bad, it was a stepping stone to greatness.

💕Passion/Hobbies

This is a great place to start. Pain is a powerful emotion, and when it is directed to doing things you love doing, the beauty becomes amplified. Focus on doing things that bring you joy and happiness.

💕 It’s about creating the future you deserve

Stop looking back if it causes you more pain.

You are the creator of your own future. Create a life you love. You deserve to live a long, happy, and fulfilled life. Never accept anything less than you deserve.

Who is your ideal self? answer this and work towards that ideal version of you.

💕Set yourself free

You deserve to be free from everything that weighs you down, whether it is the past, pain, grief, hate, etc. you owe it to yourself to be happy.

💕Gratitude

Turning to gratitude is the fastest way to feel better and turn your pain into purpose, for there is always something to be grateful for, sometimes it only takes a bit more effort to find it.

The power of Gratitude

Quotes

Advertisements
Advertisements

A woman of strength

Nadia Ngcobo (19)

Nadia is the beautiful young lady who inspired todays post. She is truly a remarkable woman. She is kindhearted and passionate, she spreads goodness and empowerement wherever she goes. She has learnt to put her pain towards good.

She speaks at schools and tries to relate to the stories she hears and tries to help people realize that there is a lot that can come out of pain. She tries to empower these students, as well as contribute sanitary pads, school uniforms, cosmetics, etc. by gaining sponsorships and donations.

Her mother physically and emotionally abused her and even deprived her of food. When she was finally taken into custody she learned how to turn her pain into art; by writing and speaking and helping others. She strives to be a better person than her mother was.

Not too long ago she was also sexually harassed and is still working through some emotions. Thank you Nadia for being so strong, and able to share the terrible things that have happened to you, and to still treat people with kindness and love.

Nadia has already accomplished quite a few things in her life. She was deputy head girl at her school. In 2019 she was South Africa Champion in Afrikaans speakers (redenaars) which is an amazing accomplishment. Like I’ve said before, she speaks at schools, contributes to them physically and mentally. Nadia is destined for greatness.

Nadia’s contribution to Youth Day 2021 South Africa

Something extra: This speech landed her a job offer

Here is the Audio from the Voice Of the Community Radio if you would prefer listening to her speak.

THE YOUTH OF TODAY VERSUS THE YOUTH OF 1976

They were bruised, battered, killed and they rioted, fighting for education. 45 years later, was the uprising worth the lives of the youth of 1976, or has their struggle gone down the drain as the youth of today plunges on resources bringing about negative change?

If the mandate was education, why do we still have schools lacking basic infrastructure and study material? We have an education system that focuses more on the theory of things rather than skills that will equip the youth for the outside world ensuring that they are independent and not dependent on foreign manipulated companies.

If education is important, why do we have so many graduates sitting at home because they do not meet the ridiculous job experience requirements and lack employment opportunities? What message are we bringing across to the young ones that are yet to go to university? Universities that financially excluded students because of their historical debts while they have millions sitting in their bank accounts. Is the South African education system still colonized or is its independence constantly being altered to accommodate the standards of the youth? I mean we went from a 50% pass rate to a 30% pass rate that’s a decline in the progression of our education.

With an unemployment rate of 16,9% in 1976 and an increase to 28,48% in 2020, have we progressed or are we going backward as a country with a laid-back youth? What happened to the spirit of Soweto Uprising martyrs? What happened to the fight for quality education? Why can’t we fight for our rights as we fight for Gender-Based Violence, Fees Must Fall, and the acceptance of the LGBQTI+ community? 

We commit crimes because of unemployment. We live in a society where politicians bathe in corruption and take pride in racketeering. How then do we complain about the 0.7% increase in contact crimes? How then do we continue with an increase in youth pregnancies when we have so many pregnancy preventative methods put in place to control the birth rate? Do we care more about our sexual urges or are we breaking the cycle of raising children in dysfunctional and financially struggling households? We prefer graduating in the form of a child rather than in the form of an academic degree. We live off social grants instead of contributing towards social grants.

Is there anything that the youth of today can show the youth of 1976 for their fight towards where we are today? What is freedom if our minds are still enslaved by colonization? Where is the progression? We are not the tomorrow of this country, we are the today, the now of South Africa. When will we wake up and smell the coffee? When will use the South African Youth council to our advantage? How many seats do we occupy in the Parliament? When will we have our own uprising towards unemployment, education, and the history of our country and continent? 

We as the youth should benefit from government set-asides in government procurement. Let enterprises get contracts if they can prove that 25% of their employees are youth. Let the Government develop legislation that will ensure that the private sector procures 50% of its goods from the youth and local enterprises.

As a young person of South Africa, I want to participate in the value chain. I want to have a say in matters that include me.

Can the youth not venture into agriculture without an increase in farm murders? In March 2021, farm murders increased to 35 from 22. When noble laureate Desmond Tutu called us a rainbow nation it was in reference to the diversity in our country and our ability to perhaps one day live in interracial harmony where colour is just colour. Where colour is not a privilege to some and a crime to others. We kill the very farmers that we want to supply us with local organic vegetables and livestock. We kill the very framers that contribute a lot to this country’s agriculture.  

When I look at my fellow peers, I see future Vusi Themekwayo(s), future Ludwick Marishane(s), I see future Addi Pienaar(s) because we have the potential to be far more than what we’re settling for. We’re too comfortable in poverty. We’re too comfortable with this education. We’re too comfortable with racism. We’re too comfortable in being uncomfortable.

I don’t know you but I’m emancipating myself from colonial mental slavery, racism, corruption, Gender-Based Violence, a colonially influenced education system and I’m creating employment opportunities for myself and the future generation. I am emancipating myself from a country that’s taking one step forward and ten steps backward. I am not the tomorrow of South Africa, I am the today of South Africa. I am the now of South Africa.  I am South Africa.

Advertisements
Advertisements

Questions to Nadia

What are your hobbies?

I crochet, knit, write and sing.

What is the one thing you look forward to when you wake up?

I look forward to talking to My Love, hearing him tell me how his day is and how much he loves me. I look forward to praying with him, for him, and our families. I look forward to laughing with him. I look forward to growing with him

Favorite colour: Black

Favorite song: Best Part

Favorite author: John Green

Favorite food: Mcdonalds burger

Favorite snack: Doritos

Favorite poem: I rise by Maya Angelo

Favorite person: Jean-Pierre (my boyfriend)

What are your three favorite books?

  • A fault in our stars
  • The Great Gatsby
  • Bear The Blessers Game

How do you define success?

Success is being contented with what you have because you worked hard for it. Success is Love. Success is Happiness and Success is Hope.

What fuels your passion?

Pain. Whatever pain I go through I turn it into something positive and also art. My mother and I aren’t close so the pain she brings me drives me to the better.

What do you want to be?

I want to do Law and become a Human rights lawyer. I have been sexually harassed multiple times so I want to fight for those that cannot fight for themselves.

Who do you look up to the most and why?

Myself. I’ve never met anyone as strong as me so I look up to the person I was yesterday because the person I was yesterday drives me to become a better person today.

My mother never encouraged me to do anything, and she was always against anything I did, so I decided that I am not even going to impress her and I am going to prove myself right. I am going to prove to myself that I am the woman who I say I am. That I am a fountain of grace, strength, and prayer. I don’t work to prove anyone wrong, I work to prove myself right.

Make yourself proud

What inspires and motivates you?

My mother’s inability to love me. Pain and will to be everything that my mother isn’t.

What do you believe in and try to promote?

Responsible citizenship and being the Voice of The Oppressed.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

I see myself as a UN speaker representing those that are oppressed by the justice system and men.

How would you describe yourself?

Bold and unapologetic.

5 things you are grateful for

  • Life
  • Family
  • Love
  • Peace
  • Freedom of expression

Do you love yourself?

Yes, I do, to love someone else I need to love myself first.

Would you describe yourself as a confident person?

Yes, I rise above everything with my head held high.

Your best tip on self-love and confidence

Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and cannot be. Never do things to impress people there don’t prove work to prove them wrong, work to prove yourself right.

If you had one year left to live, what would you do?

I would enrich more lives and appreciate the ones I love more.

Do you have any regrets?

Yes. When I got sexually harassed, and my boyfriend warned me but I didn’t listen, if I had listened I wouldn’t have gotten harassed

What are the things you wish to experience and learn about?

I want to experience the love of a mother and learn to forgive and let go of things I cannot control.


What do you think makes life meaningful?

Letting go of the past, living in the present, and looking forward to the future.

Advertisements
Advertisements

A written piece by Nadia

With tears falling from the corner of her eyes and voice screaming from deep within her soul, he pressed hard against her pride, soul ties that were awaiting marriage, and bold eyes which dug deeper into her soul as she begged for mercy from a merciless cologne infused her purity, silenced her cry and diminished her smile. Even with her eyes closed, she can still see the callous smirk that was once disguised as a courteous young gent raised by an African mother and breastfed by her pain. She felt her insides go numb as her body laid still. Her closed opening burn but the fluids meant to protect her leisurely watching like a wounded activist, stained robes which used to be whiter than the finest grains of virgin snow. Still.. from screaming until her veins mapped the road to Eden, from her hands scratching and pushing to her legs kicking and frozen she went still… for the only voice she had left, was the polluted river whose flows flowed like stretchmarks mapped like the roots of a fruitful apple tree. And even though the sheets were left scarred by a virgin’s cry for mercy. Like the color of her skin, it was her destiny just as it was her ancestors’.


Thank you Nadia for sharing your authentic self 🦋

Can you relate to turning your pain into passion?

Hope you took some value from this post.

Much love and abundance

🙏❤

Set yourself free

🌸🌸🌸

Today I came here bringing you a message -to set yourself free- so that you can go forth happily, thriving, and inspired.

Do you feel trapped by your circumstances, emotions, thoughts, and by the people around you?

Guess what?! so do most of us, but the good thing is that we have the capabilities to set ourselves free, but first we must decide to set ourselves free or continue to feel drained and caged in with nowhere to go. The truth is that happiness is a choice, and happiness also comes with being authentic and free.

Set yourself free from everything holding you back, from your negative beliefs/thoughts, from the past, from self-doubt, from anything that no longer serves you.

k.tolnoe

How to set yourself free

Take a step back, and breath

Sometimes a break and a change of perspective are all we need to continue forward. Start seeing your challenges as opportunities for growth.

Get clear on who you are, who you want to become, and what you expect out of life.

Awarness is always key!

Take out a journal and jot everything down, and be truly honest with yourself. Figure out who you are, what your values are, what will bring you more happiness, what do you stand for, what will fuel your passion, what you can do to better your life, etc.

Don’t obsess over results

Focusing on goals can become a problem because it makes us prisoners of those goals, and we only laser-focus on results. By focusing on developing the right habits, i.e., on processes, it becomes easy for us to do the things necessary for living an awesome life.

Focus on developing the right habits and to set yourself free from being obsessed with results!

One Percent Better Team

In short, become progress/habit orientated instead of result orientated.

Advertisements
Advertisements

Get clear on your goals and vision

By knowing your goals, you can live your life accordingly Working towards something that you want to achieve for yourself will make you a lot more fulfilled and happy and make you feel less trapped or lost.

Perfection is an illusion

Stop striving for ultimate perfection, there is no such thing. By trying to be too perfect you will start to lose interest and motivation and go into a spiral of self-critique.

Push through

Sometimes the only thing we can do is keep our mouths shut and push through. In a way, this is also stepping outside of your comfort zone because you are doing something that you don’t necessarily want to do but most probably have to do.

Authenticity ~ Be your true self

Be you and do you. You don’t have to put on a fake facade to please others, the only person you need to please is you. Embrace your imperfections.

Advertisements
Advertisements

Work on yourself

Learn to love the person you are while working on becoming your ideal version of yourself.

Stop seeking outer validation and approval

Seeking approval from others is a path of destruction. Why do we seek approval though? because of low self-esteem, because we are mean to ourselves and need others to validate our good characteristics.

Start approving of yourself. Again. Do you. Be unapologetically you. Work on yourself and praise yourself every step of the way. Selflove is key to breaking away from this toxic habit of searching for approval and validation from others.

Social media

This goes hand in hand with my previous point. If you post something or whatever else, whether other people see it or not, comment or not, etc, it shouldnt matter to you.

The other thing about social media, is it making you feel good about yourself or not, do you feel motivated and inspired or drained and negative. Watch your feelings closely when it comes to scrolling on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, and decide for yourself whether continuing to spend endless hours scrolling is getting you where you want to be.

FOMO (Fear of missing out)

FOMO is an awful feeling and it is one of those things that can really weigh down on you. To get rid of FOMO I usually try to focus on doing something I enjoy or doing one of my tasks and convince myself that everything happens for a reason and that I don’t need them, I don’t need to be there with them, I am perfectly happy being by myself doing what I love.

Forgiveness

At some point, we have to let go of the past by forgiving those who’ve hurt us and by forgiving ourselves for the mistakes we made, after all, we are all flawed human beings and we all make mistakes. No one is perfect.

"Holding a grudge doesn't make you strong, it makes you bitter, forgiving doesn't make you weak, it sets you free". -Unknown

Set your mind to look for opportunities

Energy flows where attention goes. If you keep focusing on the thing that makes you feel trapped with no intention of finding your way out, you will most likely stay there. No one is going to save you. It is up to you to make a small shift and start to think about or see opportunities.

Step outside of your comfort zone to widen your vision. Opportunities are waiting for us at every corner, it is our job to identify them and then to take action.

Hobbies

Break away from all the stress and negative thoughts and emotions by doing something you love. Try to make time for yourself every single day. A hobby is a form of self-love.

Gratitude

I know everyone in the spiritual sense says to turn to gratitude, but I personally know that it isn’t always the easiest thing to do. We forget most times that we indeed have so many things to be grateful for. I suggest you have a small gratitude reminder that whenever you see it no matter what you’re going through that you will start to feel gratitude surfacing.

Also read:

7 ways to set yourself free

Live life in full bloom


Sign up to receive content directly to your inbox

Today my blog reached a new milestone: 10 000 views 😀❤

I am grateful for every like, comment, share, and follower I receive. Your support means the world to me 🌍🙌

I hope you enjoyed reading this post and that you gained some value from it.

Much love and abundance, take good care

🌸🌸🌸

Thank you for joining me, feel free to share your thoughts

🌸🌸🌸

Live life in full bloom

1st of September already! time surely flew by this year, or is it just me? There are only 4 months/124 days left before 2022

Today is officially Spring in South Africa (although it doesn’t quite feel like it yet), and I was looking for spring quotes and came across this one: Live life in full bloom. And immediately I felt inspired after having such a long day and felt the need to share.

What it means to live life in full bloom

Living life in full bloom means living with hope and purpose, with imagination and vision, in a way that honors the Earth, the spirit, and one another ~ Elizabeth Murray

I also see it as living life to the fullest, giving your all and your best, bringing happiness to yourself and others, doing what you love, and going after your wildest dreams.

How to live life in full bloom

I think the best way to live life in full bloom is by being/becoming our ideal selves. Think about it, your best self is most probably happy, energized, creative, passionate, loving, fun, and whatever it may be for you.

Becoming your ideal self is a concept I have recently started to take more seriously, it is a concept I believe everyone should understand. After all, we are either moving forward or moving backward. Embrace the glorious mess that you blend in so well with this concept because it means to fully accept yourself as you are while also working on yourself and becoming your best/ideal self.

🐾Prioritise what is important to you.

Do what makes you happy, and everything else will fall into place. 

🐾Put energy into your goals/hobbies

🐾Take more risks

You should make it a point to step outside of your comfort zone, it almost always guarantees growth.

🐾Show your appreciation to the ones you love.

🐾Be more present

Your past is important to learn from. Your future is important to work towards. Though the only thing that truly exists is now. You can practice gratitude and mindfulness to be more present.

🐾Get clear on who your ideal self is for you.

Do something today that brings you closer to that ideal version of you.

🐾Just do anything that makes your soul happy, joyous, calm, grateful, loved, etc.

🐾Today my teacher told me we have to have small things that bring us happiness, and it is very true. For me, it is reading, improving myself in one way or another, sitting outside on the grass, and drinking my favorite coffee.

How to re-energize your spirit when you feel drained

I felt drained these past few days and also heard classmates complain about the same thing, and this morning I was listening to a video where Abraham Hicks basically says that our emotions are our indicator for whether we are in harmony with who we are or whether we aren’t. It is our job to keep track of our negative emotions and work through them or make much-needed changes.

🦋 Find a way to unleash your inner child through something that brings you true joy, something that makes you smile brightly from the inside out.

🦋 Do some exercises, whether full on fitness or yoga, or even dancing, it doesn’t have to be a lot, just get your body moving.

🦋 Like I’ve mentioned before, gratitude! You can start a gratitude journal.

The power of Gratitude

🦋 Get a good night’s rest while listening to Subliminals/affirmations while you sleep.

🦋 Watch something inspirational/motivational or a comedy or watch a show that you’ve already seen but would totally watch it again.

🦋 Take a step back from everything that makes it feel as if it is weighing down on your shoulders, and shift your focus.


Sign up to receive content directly to your inbox

Happy Spring!

It isn’t spring for everybody, so happy autumn too🍁

I hope you enjoyed this post

Much love and abundance 🙏❤

Spring quotes:

🦋🦋🦋

Your name has a frequency

I was today years old when I discovered our names have frequencies. It has a vibration. Our names hold energy!

And if our names have a frequency, that means all words we speak and think also have frequencies. And if accompanied by emotions that word becomes amplified… No wonder thoughts and spoken words have power.

This is also why the universe responds to spoken words.

For much more information on the frequency of your name, I suggest you view this: 

The Frequency Of Your Name

The Vibration And Energy Of Your Name

Our names hold so many truths about who we are and the potential we have to fulfill our dreams/desires/purpose/destiny.

We can determine our Life path, our Soul urge, and we can dive so much deeper just by using our names, as well as our birthdate.

*only adding the vowels of your name
Add your birth date numbers together

I hope you found something useful/interesting 🌸

Related question

Do you feel a difference when someone calls you by your name from your surname?

I have two names and then my surname; Karlien Jo-Anne Kruger. And I feel differently and respond differently depending on what a person calls me. Calling me Karlien makes me feel vulnerable in a sense with my walls down. And calling me Jo-Anne makes me feel slightly more guarded and or professional.

I also respond differently depending on how they use my names and on the nicknames I have.

This might all be in my head. So I would love to hear your viewings on this.

Nonrelated question:

Another question of my curiosity, and I do hope you give your opinion on this. You can take this in any direction you wish 👣

If you had the chance to experience it all over again. All the joy, all the love, everything, even though you would go through all the hurt, all the pain, all the hate. Would you do it? even though you would get the same ending good/bad?

Why fit in when you were born to stand out

Dr. Suess

Thank you for all the constant love and support! I am truly grateful🙏

May you have a blessed day

Much love and abundance

🙌❤

What I find inspiring in each zodiac sign

If you’re reading this, I guess you are a fan of astrology, happy to see you here. Please check out the link way down below, it will take you to a quick survey on your zodiac sign.

I tried to keep things short and sweet, tell me if you think I should elaborate more.

Aries– your confidence and enthusiasm and the way you take on any challenge thrown your way

Taurus– you are calm and collected, you always seem to have things under control

Gemini– you can fit into any situation easily, you are flexible. You make life fun to live by keeping things on a lighter note

Cancer– you are loving and caring with a creative side, one of the strongest signs I know

Leo– your ambition and the way you express yourself without shame and fear

Virgo– you are the most straightforward and honest sign I know, unafraid to speak your mind

Libra– the way you draw people in without trying, your energy is exquisite. I haven’t met a libra who I didn’t immediately feel drawn to.

Scorpio– your mind and soul goes deeper than people realize, you always test, question, and analyze everyone and everything in your life

Sagitarrius– life with you never has a dull moment because you simply live for adventure and is all for taking risks

Capricorn– headstrong and not afraid of committing to their dreams, very responsible and loyal

Aquarius– you are wise beyond your years and has great problem-solving skills

Pisces– your selflessness and the way you see the bigger picture, you are a big dreamer

I have a simple task for you, comment your zodiac sign and state whether you agree or disagree: Aries, agree… or fill out the quick survey down below.

Here is the quick survey, have fun!!

👇👇👇

https://surveyheart.com/form/6018ffc82d08c733d1f2fe6c

Hope you liked this post, I will be doing more of these in the future, please feel free to share your honest thoughts.

May your life be filled with unconditional love and abundance

👣❤

Toward emotional intelligence

Anger fuels anger, regret shortly follow

nasty words we didn’t mean get blurted out with no return

putting your emotions through a blender, making it hard to swallow

fighting on, why are we always so stubborn

_

Guilt trip and shaming to make someone feel bad

playing the victim which makes things worse

going the wrong way about it, it is kinda sad

it will only bring the bond a curse

_

Nothing hurts more than disappointment

it hits deep, it reveals parts that you didn’t know existed

they held you so high and you couldn’t reach their expectations

senses overflowing with guiltiness

there is almost certainly nothing that feels worse


We need better ways to communicate our feelings. The only way we will better our communication is through better understanding our own emotions and the real why behind them.

We will only begin to get better at handling arguments, anger, and hurts if we start working on our emotional intelligence.


I struggled to get a title for this poem, it would mean a lot if you have any ideas for me🙈

I wanted to do something else, and fun in a way, so I created this poll:

What is your response when angry, hurt or upset most of the times?

https://pollie.app/0cneq

Click the link to vote for the most suited option.

Thanks for reading, I would love to hear your thoughts on this poem and whether there is anything you would have done differently.

If you don’t mind, would you leave me a rating on this poem in the comment section from 1-10, and give a reason if it is below 6.

I truly want to improve my poem writing, it would mean a lot if you could leave a rating and any tips that you have for me.

💖👣💖

Most valuable lesson

What is the most valuable lesson that you have learned?

Mine is pretty much simple, though it took me loads of struggle to get to this conclusion…

Happiness is a choice

We all have a choice to be happy, we have the power to control how we see and go through life.

Happiness isn’t dependant on other people or on the things we want to achieve or have. Happiness can be altered by our thoughts. I don’t know what anyone’s going through, but I can tell you that living in the past for too long or worrying for the future isn’t all that healthy, especially when negativity is connected, which is usually the case.

We can choose to smile or to be sour. We can choose to accept our circumstances and work ourselves out of them or we can dwell over them, playing the victim and stay unhappy for as long as we like.


I would love to hear your most valuable/treasured lesson.

Please share a life lesson that is close to your heart with your fellow bloggers, you never know if someone might need your words, or simply comment it down below.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCm1vPe3AXsdffz6qgZz7ohQ

https://instagram.com/edward_daniels57?igshid=197hqq11uvqst

Please do yourself a favor and take a few seconds to check out his Instagram and YouTube page, I’d appreciate it very much.

Have an amazing day and spread love and abundance!💖

Confidence is a skill

Yes, confidence comes naturally, but only to some. Confidence is a skill, and just like any other skill, you have the power to master it and I hope with this blog post that you will do just that.

Definition of confidence:

a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

There you have it, self-assurance and appreciation. Love yourself. Better yourself. Appreciate yourself. Affirm yourself. Assure yourself.

Fake it till you make it. Just fake being confident. Posture straight, chest out, and shoulders back. Talk loud and clear enough.

When in a conversation, let things flow, don’t search for something to say, nearly missing all the details of what he or she is telling you. Let words come naturally, and if no words are there then let them be.

Step outside of your comfort zone more often. Do the things that give you anxiety.

Believe in yourself. You can do this!

Wear things that make you feel confident and sexy. If you look good, you’ll feel good, which means you’re self-assured. Make sure you look good for yourself and not others. Feel comfortable in what you wear too.

Smile and keep your arms uncrossed.

Don’t be self-conscious. Don’t focus on yourself too much. It makes it much easier to be confident.


Thanks for reading and feel free to leave any related and unrelated thoughts, I am always happy to hear what you have to say.

Take care🤗💞

How to stop judging others

We judge people on a day to day basis, we even judge ourselves! I wanted to talk about this topic because I too judge other people. No, I am not even a bit proud of judging others and comparing myself to them in a negative way. It is something that I am slowly trying to work out of my life.

Judging is a natural thing, but do you really want to waste energy on something as negative as judging and comparing. I know I certainly don’t and I hope you join me in on this journey to stop judging and downgrading other people.

(Yes I know, there is a positive comparing too, I am only talking about getting rid of every negative aspect in this post.)

Why do we judge?

After doing my fair amount of research I’ve found a simple, and yet, maybe even obvious answer…

*ego* is the core of judgment.

Judgment is an ego trap. The ego competes. We compare ourselves. This is one aspect I failed to include in my previous post (3 Levels of self-comparison)- When we compare ourselves and see ourselves better as they are, we are putting them below us. This is just as bad as, almost even worse than it is to compare ourselves and be unhappy with who we are. We feel better about ourselves when putting others down, so long story short, you are feeding the ego when putting yourself above another person in any way.

The other two common reasons why we judge others are jealousy and our own insecurities.

Yes, judging can be fun, gossiping judgments with your friends, especially frenemies, are even more fun, don’t tell me you’ve never felt good gossiping? In a group it brings a sense of relatability, you share the same judgments and thoughts. As I said, it’s an ego trap, get yourself out of it!

You see that pretty quote you just read a few seconds ago? Read it again. Judging defines who you are and what your values are. Judging is not a pretty look even though it seems so.

Judging other people can have a negative effect on them, or if they are like me, those judgments probably won’t matter, but the thing is, most people don’t take judgment lightly. In fact, you can be bringing some of their worst insecurities or self-judgments and throw them right in their face.

Don’t judge somebody if you haven’t walked a mile in their shoes.

How to stop Judging other people

1. Awareness is key. Become aware when you judge.

2. Immediately tell yourself “Stop it!”

After telling yourself to stop it, tell yourself why you should stop. Tell your mind things like:

  • I don’t know what their life path is all about. We are walking two separate paths
  • I am in no position to judge
  • I am not perfect, neither are they

3. Think about three things that you like about them. It could be something they wear, how they look, how they are wearing their hair or something like their laugh. It could be anything at all.

Sometimes it can be hard, I know, but it is important to reprogram your mind, and what better way to do so, than trading the negative in for the positive?

4. Reflect. Think of the specific judgment that came to mind and think about why you thought this. Usually, something inside of us is wrong and we take it out in funny ways like judgment.

Make a list of scenes and situations when you have judged someone and why you have judged them. Analyze everything thoroughly, this will help you understand yourself better and help you to not judge in the next situation.

5. Remember that word I used earlier, aka, Gossip? Stop all the childish gossip and find something better to discuss than people and their choices in life.

6. Choose your sircle of trust wisely.

Did you know that you are the average person of the five people you spend most of your time with?

So knowing this, won’t you want to surround yourself with the best kind of people? Energies are contagious, so find your high vibe tribe!

7. Do some other self-growth activities, whether spiritual, emotional, or physical. You’ll feel better about yourself and feel less the need to judge someone else.

If you are on the receiving end of this, the one being judged, just remember that it’s their opinion and perspective of you. It may even be jealousy/envy and their own insecurities. Don’t let them get to you. Be who you are, be who you want to be, do what you want to do, and just enjoy your life the way that you want to.


Hope this was helpful🌸 Please feel free to share any related and unrelated thoughts/opinions🤗💞

I have decided that I will be posting every day. Thursdays I’ll be posting flash fiction.

Please never be afraid of giving me a critique, if you don’t agree or didn’t like something, please let me know. The critique will let me know where I can adjust and make improvements for the future. ~Please feel free to always be honest with me.

Thanks for all the support. I truly appreciate every comment, shared thoughts, and experiences, every like and follow.

Enjoy life. Be happy. And be your most authentic self.🌸

The 3 things that make your personality

In the end, it’s our personality and appearances that make us all unique. The way we see the world. The way we tackle life. The things we say and do. All these contribute to we are.

The way you think.

The way you feel.

The way you act.

These are the key, main factors of our personality. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. We become our thoughts, we connect emotions to our thoughts, and our thoughts often times become our actions.

Your personality is flexible

We create this belief that this is who you are, but the truth is you are putting yourself in a box, you have a choice to who you want to be… I think my personality has probably changed a 100times before, every few months I do a personality test (there are 16 types of personalities) and my answer is almost always different. Why is that? Well mainly because once again, those three main factors determine who we are. If those things change, our inner self changes too.

Are you an astrology/astronomy lover like I am? Do you know your zodiac signs or do you simply not believe in the stars? The thing with astrology and personality quizzes (like on Buzzfeed) is that it’s great to discover more about who you are, but it’s more of a permission slip than it is facts, we sometimes put too much importance on this stuff. We believe in it, and believing has a strong influence on our thoughts and even emotions. Our beliefs become apart of our subconscious minds and it is up to us to recreate our believes.

Who you are is up to you.

Our personality creates our personal reality

Where attention goes energy flows. Positivity attracts positivity and the same with negativity.

If our thoughts are pure and happy; our hearts filled with love and gratefulness; our actions good, how could you possibly still have a bad life?

Choices. Life is full of choices, we have the choice to be happy, we have the choice for who we want to be and we have the choice to make change in everything that we do. Its never too late.

Thanks for reading. Blessings💞