Turning Pain Into Purpose

We all experience pain at some point in our lives. And we have a choice to make; we can either choose to let it consume us and make us bitter at heart or we can choose to turn our pain into something beautiful and meaningful. Pain is without saying an awful feeling, but it is what we choose to do with it that matters.

I created this post to help you through current and past traumas. This post was inspired by Nadia, you will find more about her in this post.

We always have the opportunity to turn any emotion into a form of art.

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How to turn your pain into purpose

Note: Most of these things are easier said than done, but doing it will bring a positive change.

💕Allow yourself to feel

If you want to cry, cry. Let it all out. There is no point in collecting the pain and holding on to it, suppressing it will only turn it into hate and anger that will be directed at the wrong people/things. Just make sure you don’t stay in that depressing place when allowing yourself to completely feel the pain.

💕Try to focus on the solution and not the problem

So now you’ve felt the pain completely, now what? It is time to start moving forward, to find the beauty in all these experiences. Give a meaning to it that will help you move forward positively.

Meanings like: everything happens for a reason; this will make me wiser and stronger; this will help me in future struggles; God/The Universe or whatever you may believe in is preparing you for a happy life etc.

One of the best things that helped me grow recently is to look at my bad memories and finding the good in them. Looking at the person who hurt me, and to remember what I admired in them and still do. To look at the person who hurt me, and feeling grateful for the good and bad, for the bad has made me much wiser and stronger. In the end, the bad wasn’t bad, it was a stepping stone to greatness.

💕Passion/Hobbies

This is a great place to start. Pain is a powerful emotion, and when it is directed to doing things you love doing, the beauty becomes amplified. Focus on doing things that bring you joy and happiness.

💕 It’s about creating the future you deserve

Stop looking back if it causes you more pain.

You are the creator of your own future. Create a life you love. You deserve to live a long, happy, and fulfilled life. Never accept anything less than you deserve.

Who is your ideal self? answer this and work towards that ideal version of you.

💕Set yourself free

You deserve to be free from everything that weighs you down, whether it is the past, pain, grief, hate, etc. you owe it to yourself to be happy.

💕Gratitude

Turning to gratitude is the fastest way to feel better and turn your pain into purpose, for there is always something to be grateful for, sometimes it only takes a bit more effort to find it.

The power of Gratitude

Quotes

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A woman of strength

Nadia Ngcobo (19)

Nadia is the beautiful young lady who inspired todays post. She is truly a remarkable woman. She is kindhearted and passionate, she spreads goodness and empowerement wherever she goes. She has learnt to put her pain towards good.

She speaks at schools and tries to relate to the stories she hears and tries to help people realize that there is a lot that can come out of pain. She tries to empower these students, as well as contribute sanitary pads, school uniforms, cosmetics, etc. by gaining sponsorships and donations.

Her mother physically and emotionally abused her and even deprived her of food. When she was finally taken into custody she learned how to turn her pain into art; by writing and speaking and helping others. She strives to be a better person than her mother was.

Not too long ago she was also sexually harassed and is still working through some emotions. Thank you Nadia for being so strong, and able to share the terrible things that have happened to you, and to still treat people with kindness and love.

Nadia has already accomplished quite a few things in her life. She was deputy head girl at her school. In 2019 she was South Africa Champion in Afrikaans speakers (redenaars) which is an amazing accomplishment. Like I’ve said before, she speaks at schools, contributes to them physically and mentally. Nadia is destined for greatness.

Nadia’s contribution to Youth Day 2021 South Africa

Something extra: This speech landed her a job offer

Here is the Audio from the Voice Of the Community Radio if you would prefer listening to her speak.

THE YOUTH OF TODAY VERSUS THE YOUTH OF 1976

They were bruised, battered, killed and they rioted, fighting for education. 45 years later, was the uprising worth the lives of the youth of 1976, or has their struggle gone down the drain as the youth of today plunges on resources bringing about negative change?

If the mandate was education, why do we still have schools lacking basic infrastructure and study material? We have an education system that focuses more on the theory of things rather than skills that will equip the youth for the outside world ensuring that they are independent and not dependent on foreign manipulated companies.

If education is important, why do we have so many graduates sitting at home because they do not meet the ridiculous job experience requirements and lack employment opportunities? What message are we bringing across to the young ones that are yet to go to university? Universities that financially excluded students because of their historical debts while they have millions sitting in their bank accounts. Is the South African education system still colonized or is its independence constantly being altered to accommodate the standards of the youth? I mean we went from a 50% pass rate to a 30% pass rate that’s a decline in the progression of our education.

With an unemployment rate of 16,9% in 1976 and an increase to 28,48% in 2020, have we progressed or are we going backward as a country with a laid-back youth? What happened to the spirit of Soweto Uprising martyrs? What happened to the fight for quality education? Why can’t we fight for our rights as we fight for Gender-Based Violence, Fees Must Fall, and the acceptance of the LGBQTI+ community? 

We commit crimes because of unemployment. We live in a society where politicians bathe in corruption and take pride in racketeering. How then do we complain about the 0.7% increase in contact crimes? How then do we continue with an increase in youth pregnancies when we have so many pregnancy preventative methods put in place to control the birth rate? Do we care more about our sexual urges or are we breaking the cycle of raising children in dysfunctional and financially struggling households? We prefer graduating in the form of a child rather than in the form of an academic degree. We live off social grants instead of contributing towards social grants.

Is there anything that the youth of today can show the youth of 1976 for their fight towards where we are today? What is freedom if our minds are still enslaved by colonization? Where is the progression? We are not the tomorrow of this country, we are the today, the now of South Africa. When will we wake up and smell the coffee? When will use the South African Youth council to our advantage? How many seats do we occupy in the Parliament? When will we have our own uprising towards unemployment, education, and the history of our country and continent? 

We as the youth should benefit from government set-asides in government procurement. Let enterprises get contracts if they can prove that 25% of their employees are youth. Let the Government develop legislation that will ensure that the private sector procures 50% of its goods from the youth and local enterprises.

As a young person of South Africa, I want to participate in the value chain. I want to have a say in matters that include me.

Can the youth not venture into agriculture without an increase in farm murders? In March 2021, farm murders increased to 35 from 22. When noble laureate Desmond Tutu called us a rainbow nation it was in reference to the diversity in our country and our ability to perhaps one day live in interracial harmony where colour is just colour. Where colour is not a privilege to some and a crime to others. We kill the very farmers that we want to supply us with local organic vegetables and livestock. We kill the very framers that contribute a lot to this country’s agriculture.  

When I look at my fellow peers, I see future Vusi Themekwayo(s), future Ludwick Marishane(s), I see future Addi Pienaar(s) because we have the potential to be far more than what we’re settling for. We’re too comfortable in poverty. We’re too comfortable with this education. We’re too comfortable with racism. We’re too comfortable in being uncomfortable.

I don’t know you but I’m emancipating myself from colonial mental slavery, racism, corruption, Gender-Based Violence, a colonially influenced education system and I’m creating employment opportunities for myself and the future generation. I am emancipating myself from a country that’s taking one step forward and ten steps backward. I am not the tomorrow of South Africa, I am the today of South Africa. I am the now of South Africa.  I am South Africa.

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Questions to Nadia

What are your hobbies?

I crochet, knit, write and sing.

What is the one thing you look forward to when you wake up?

I look forward to talking to My Love, hearing him tell me how his day is and how much he loves me. I look forward to praying with him, for him, and our families. I look forward to laughing with him. I look forward to growing with him

Favorite colour: Black

Favorite song: Best Part

Favorite author: John Green

Favorite food: Mcdonalds burger

Favorite snack: Doritos

Favorite poem: I rise by Maya Angelo

Favorite person: Jean-Pierre (my boyfriend)

What are your three favorite books?

  • A fault in our stars
  • The Great Gatsby
  • Bear The Blessers Game

How do you define success?

Success is being contented with what you have because you worked hard for it. Success is Love. Success is Happiness and Success is Hope.

What fuels your passion?

Pain. Whatever pain I go through I turn it into something positive and also art. My mother and I aren’t close so the pain she brings me drives me to the better.

What do you want to be?

I want to do Law and become a Human rights lawyer. I have been sexually harassed multiple times so I want to fight for those that cannot fight for themselves.

Who do you look up to the most and why?

Myself. I’ve never met anyone as strong as me so I look up to the person I was yesterday because the person I was yesterday drives me to become a better person today.

My mother never encouraged me to do anything, and she was always against anything I did, so I decided that I am not even going to impress her and I am going to prove myself right. I am going to prove to myself that I am the woman who I say I am. That I am a fountain of grace, strength, and prayer. I don’t work to prove anyone wrong, I work to prove myself right.

Make yourself proud

What inspires and motivates you?

My mother’s inability to love me. Pain and will to be everything that my mother isn’t.

What do you believe in and try to promote?

Responsible citizenship and being the Voice of The Oppressed.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

I see myself as a UN speaker representing those that are oppressed by the justice system and men.

How would you describe yourself?

Bold and unapologetic.

5 things you are grateful for

  • Life
  • Family
  • Love
  • Peace
  • Freedom of expression

Do you love yourself?

Yes, I do, to love someone else I need to love myself first.

Would you describe yourself as a confident person?

Yes, I rise above everything with my head held high.

Your best tip on self-love and confidence

Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and cannot be. Never do things to impress people there don’t prove work to prove them wrong, work to prove yourself right.

If you had one year left to live, what would you do?

I would enrich more lives and appreciate the ones I love more.

Do you have any regrets?

Yes. When I got sexually harassed, and my boyfriend warned me but I didn’t listen, if I had listened I wouldn’t have gotten harassed

What are the things you wish to experience and learn about?

I want to experience the love of a mother and learn to forgive and let go of things I cannot control.


What do you think makes life meaningful?

Letting go of the past, living in the present, and looking forward to the future.

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A written piece by Nadia

With tears falling from the corner of her eyes and voice screaming from deep within her soul, he pressed hard against her pride, soul ties that were awaiting marriage, and bold eyes which dug deeper into her soul as she begged for mercy from a merciless cologne infused her purity, silenced her cry and diminished her smile. Even with her eyes closed, she can still see the callous smirk that was once disguised as a courteous young gent raised by an African mother and breastfed by her pain. She felt her insides go numb as her body laid still. Her closed opening burn but the fluids meant to protect her leisurely watching like a wounded activist, stained robes which used to be whiter than the finest grains of virgin snow. Still.. from screaming until her veins mapped the road to Eden, from her hands scratching and pushing to her legs kicking and frozen she went still… for the only voice she had left, was the polluted river whose flows flowed like stretchmarks mapped like the roots of a fruitful apple tree. And even though the sheets were left scarred by a virgin’s cry for mercy. Like the color of her skin, it was her destiny just as it was her ancestors’.


Thank you Nadia for sharing your authentic self 🦋

Can you relate to turning your pain into passion?

Hope you took some value from this post.

Much love and abundance

🙏❤

13 Comments

  1. Poetry Always
    Inspiring Deep
    Touching
    Parts of
    me Seeking to
    Speak that Might
    Otherwise
    Stay Lost it
    Seems This is
    What Poetry is
    For Like Deep
    Night
    Dreams
    Waking
    Daylight Soul

    SMiLes Dear Karlien i Wrote
    That This Morning And It Seems
    The Theme of Emotional Pain is Common

    Where i Travel Today So Fitting it is How the
    Gift of All Arts Help Us Process All Kinds of Emotional

    Pain Yes Restoring Renewing Purpose And Meaning in Life Anew As Well…

    i Danced When my Father And Mother Died i Held my only Child to His Last Breath
    of 51 Days at My age of 37 Then Yes Before i Danced Free Years Later in Public
    Starting at 53 Now for 15,366 Miles at 61 That Totally Regulates My Emotions
    And Integrates my Senses

    That Are Truly All A

    Synergy of Our

    Human Energies
    That May Remain
    Wild And Unkept to

    Dominate Us Out of Synch
    Or A Practice of FRiEnDS With
    Gravity Where Balance Inhales
    Peace Exhaling Love Where there are No Fears Left
    Foundation LoVE iN Balance of Grace Mighty Strength of Will

    As The Poet Nadia From South Africa Your Home Moving into Spring
    Relates So Well Passion of the Marginalized Breath of New Life Reborn Creation

    For True Grief is
    The Leaves
    Falling
    That

    Fertilize
    Spring in
    Winter Death

    And Technically Oxytocin
    The Bonding Natural Love
    Drug Drops With Serotonin
    Trust In Nature too However

    Nature’s Present is the Bitter Sweet Gift
    of Dopamine in Grief that Rises Inspiring
    Us For Change to Replace What’s Lost Namely

    Human Relationships Most As Social Animals
    Inherently Evolutionary Intuiting Life or Death Consequences
    of Hand-in-Hand Survival For All the Villagers Concerned to Survive And Thrive…

    Once Afraid of the Intensity of Emotional Pain i’ve Learned to Embrace Grief of
    All Kinds As A Highway of Leaves Falling to Make My Internal Spring Greener Anew…

    Which Only Means i am Not Afraid of Expressing Authentic Sincere Emotions DarK Thru
    LiGHT i Understand Nature Has my Back As Long As i React in Intelligent Balance FRiEnDS

    With Gravity

    in Both Arts

    of Dance And
    Song Spirit Wind Free..

    In Short i am Not Afraid
    to Fully Live Now And it

    Took me 5.3 Decades to
    Become Free This Way
    Dear FRiEnD Karlien at

    17 i Hope You Shine Like
    Venus Orbiting The Sun With
    Loving Life Most As Here tonight
    it Shines With the Crescent Moon So Bright
    You Are A Very Young And Incredibly Talented Human Already!!!..
    Hehe, as i’ve Said Before in Many Places At 17 i Was Still Figuring Out

    How to
    Smile Then

    For Class Photos hehe…
    And Yeah i met A Classmate
    Friend From 1st Grade in a Restaurant
    By Coincidence Then The Other Week Who
    Said She Had Just Come Across A Friendship
    Photo of me in the Senior Class Photo When i Was
    17… It Was So Sweet She Still Remembered me We
    Always Competed For Grades She Made it into the Top 10
    And i Tied With my Other Nice female Friend Lynn at 11 Out of 381…

    Yeah i Was
    Really Book
    Smart Hehe

    Like ‘Sheldon Cooper’
    off the ‘Big Bang TV Show’

    Feeling Very Powerful Emotions
    Yet Just Having No Idea then how
    to Regulate Both my Emotions and
    Integrate All My Powerful Senses too

    The Environment As A Whole Really
    Overwhelmed me then yet Not Now As i
    Feel Like i am Just A Balancing Part of All that is…

    Anyway She Messaged me A Copy of the Antique Picture at 17
    me Some 44 Years Ago Then.. And True i Wish i had Met
    the ‘Back to the Future’ me Then at 61 to Give me some

    Helpful

    Hints

    to Avoid

    All the Fresh
    Hell Then Out of
    Balance i Would
    Eventually Encounter

    In Life The Hidden World
    Within Not Fully Unleashed
    Released And Mastered my FRiEnD…
    A Most Important Win That is often left
    Out of Life Then and Now too Yet Always Room For GRoWinG!!..:)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you must have gone through, and are probably still going through. Your poem was a nice fit, thank you.
    Seems we are very similar when it comes to the book smart category.

    Thank you for all your kind words, and for sharing with me, I always love hearing your experiences and finding out more!

    🙌🙏❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. SMiles Dear
    Karlien the
    Only
    Real
    Pain i
    Feel Now
    Is The Pain
    Of Others
    When Young
    Empathically
    Always Difficult

    To Separate
    From me

    The Dance
    And Song
    Are A Cloak
    oF LiGHT

    Usually
    Impenetrable
    With Compassion

    Pure Yet True

    Some Days

    i’m Just too

    Human And
    It Gets Through
    Your Post is

    Particularly
    Helpful
    And
    Inspiring
    This Way
    Today my
    FRiEnD Thank You🙌☺️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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